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"Rising Star" dancer Sasheen

Sasheen is another dancer in her group (of students who’ve just been studying for two years) who has rapidly evolved her dance ability. Sasheen’s style tends towards the archetypal — the mysterious, something other-worldly or very old within our world.

Sasheen loves both sword dancing and fire dancing — this performance will herald a new sword dance from her; one very different from her first one in both tempo and style.

Sasheen was the first of her group to perform; she and dance friend Elizabeth (a modern dancer) put together a show in this very same place over a year ago — we were impressed then, and anticipate a much more exciting work now!

"Rising Star" dancer Sitara

Sitara — who has been with me for just over two years — personifies the kind of “rising star” dancer that we see here. Through her own hard work and dedication (much more than my brilliant coaching), she has developed a lovely and personal interpretation of classic Danse Orientale in the Egyptian cabaret style.

This year, she is refining a previous work — adding extra dimensions and polish.

Those of you who saw Sitara perform just last May will get a treat to see how her dance has evolved so rapidly within such a short time. I’m particularly thrilled with how she has gained an ability to hold audience attention, and use a variety of moods and techniques to add interest to her dance!

Financial Well-Being — No Matter What the Stock Market is Doing

LETTER to my God(dess) Daughter – November, 2008

“Financial Well-Being — No Matter What the Stock Market is Doing!”

My Dearest Darling God(dess) Daughter –

Our intention — and “life-mission” — is to live joyously, no matter what is going on. This is why we dance. It brings us joy. It brings joy to those around us — when they watch us dance with exuberance, and when they see our lives shaping up so wonderfully! Our joy encourages others to seek their own joy and happiness, however they create it or bring it into being.

So if we listen to the news (and this is not a practice that I recommend), there is not much of “joy” in this particular moment. That is, in addition to the usual stream of violence and mayham, we have the extraordinary churn on Wall Street. Everyone, it seems, is tuned into the “bail-out” package. Darlings, this attention is not healthy or happy for our souls.

I grant you, there is a situation unfolding. It has come about because people made unwise choices, and were aided and abetted in those choices by others who added short-sightedness and greed to lack of wisdom. However, since you create your own life, and you are 100% entirely responsible for what you experience, your focus — especially at times like this — needs to be on your overall state of happiness and well-being.

So when everyone else is losing their heads (and I do mean that in a near-literal sense), you must gain control of yours. Yes, darling, you must firmly and fervently decide where you will put your attention, focus, energy, and passion.

This is a time to return to basics. This is a time to practice self-discipline. And remember, discipline is remembering what you want.

So this letter is going to be very prescriptive. It is going to tell you what to do. Whether you choose to follow any of these (strongly worded) “suggestions” is, of course, up to you. However, I have found – in times of crisis — that it is very useful to have a sense of structure. To have a master plan, a checklist, that says, “first do this” and “next do that”. This letter is desigined to serve you in just that manner.

Rigorously filter what you take inside your head! Now, more than ever, you need to be careful with what you “feed” yourself. If the news is troublesome — after you have taken all appropriate steps and actions (see below) — then listen to something else. Turn off the radio and TV. Open the windows (if you can), and listen to nature sounds. Failing that, put on “nature” CDs. Or put on CDs from people whom you know have something good, useful, uplifting, and empowering to say. From now on, only pay attention to the good stuff. Go here (link to come) for some good recommendations.
More to come, sweethearts! (Promise!)

Live joyously, my darlings! – Alay’nya

Raw Foods, Real People, and Cold Weather

Dear Ones —

I made a mistake last night — ate homemade beef stroganoff w/ noodles for dinner. It tasted great, was filling on a cool autumn evening, and was SO not right for my body! Not that I felt “wrong” this morning — just — not so “right.” There is a feeling that we get when we eat the right foods, at the right time — we feel “lighter and brighter.” And this wasn’t it.

So I promised myself that today would be — at least mostly — a “raw foods” day.

Perhaps I’m inspired by finding the Raw Divas’s website last night. That was a nice treat! A whole lot of advertising and promo-blather, but their hearts are in the right place, and if you read and click far enough / long enough, you do come across some useful (free!) information.

And before going further — a brief pitch for my fave raw-food read; Raw Food, Real World. Co-authors and raw foods restauranteers Matthew Kenney and Sarma Melngailis both motivate and inspire with their youthful and bouyant energy, and delightful recipes. (A word of warning: Their suggestions are rarely for those short on time, and some of the most interesting options require both a dehydrator and substantial advance preps. Barring that, the pictures and recipes are inspiring and might get some of us “over the hump” of having to devote extra time.)

As a sidebar, now that people are getting much smarter about intermet marketing “methods,” it becomes progressively difficult to wade through sites that are mostly promo-pages, with a whole lot of fluff, and very little behind them. MOST of what you would desire to find can be obtained from your local library, for MUCH cheaper than the various e-books, e-zines, and other items hawked on the net.

For example, I recommend going to the library first for your raw-food reads. Take home a bunch of books, load up on the most attractive and vibrant fruits, greens, and veggies you can get from either a farmer’s market or your most trusted food store, and find out what you REALLY do over the next week or so. A week or two in the “real world” of your own kitchen will let you connect ambition with reality. Then, and ONLY then, decide on what books you REALLY need for your long-term private libary, and what internet thing you REALLY must download, at the cost of pulling out your credit card.

That little diatrabe aside, back to raw foods — something that we dancers all need, because they deliver high-quality energy, especially if done right.

I’ll admit to being motivated — at least in part — by reading about fashion designer Donna Karan’s experience Donna Karan’s experience with a raw-foods diet. She both lost weight AND improved her energy level! Donna was mentored in her new approach by Jill Pettijohn, live-foods advocate and chef.

But, as the Karan article notes, not all of us can afford live-in chefs.

In the “real world” in which many of us live, we have two challenges when it comes to increasing the raw/live ratio of foods:

  1. Finding the time in the first place — the big challenge for all of us, and I’ll address it in a minute, and
  2. Now that it’s cold, the LAST thing we want are a bunch of cold, raw veggies. Most of the time, we can scarcely get excited about them in the summer — but who wants cold and raw when that’s exactly what we face when we go outdoors?

The time challenge first — because that is often the biggest stickler in our lives, and with holidays coming up, the last thing we need to do is to make our lives more complicated.

I have found, through sad experience, that going to the farmer’s market is an uplifting and inspiring event — so inspiring that I will often come home with MUCH more than I can use in the reasonable future. What is worse, I too often have not “connected the dots.” Between the joyous and exuberant sensory stimulus of all these wonderful fresh market things and the actual act of eating these lovely items, there is some necessary preparation. And left to my own devices, such preparation gets postponed indefinately … until I wind up chucking those once-lovely veggies that have gone well past their “use-by” date.

There are three steps that I’ve found that help me get on track, and stay on track, with the veggie-intensive approach to living. Because they work well for me, they might also work for you!

(1) Have something of an action plan before going to the food store / farmer’s market. I’m not saying that you need to be rigid — but put things together in your mind before you shop. For example, if you’ve checked the weather, and know it will be cold, windy, and rainy, you know that you will want something warm. Something that will SMELL good when you come into the house. Think about how you want to nourish yourself emotionally and sensually as well as physically.

Think also about your time-plan for the week ahead. Will you be coming home tired and late, and just want to eat and relax? Then you know you need at least one crockpot meal. Will you have an evening where you’ll come home, have a half hour or so, leave for an hour and a half, and then come back for dinner? Then think about something that can do a slow-bake in the back of the oven.

As you form up your major strategies, think through how you’re going to use your leftovers — what you want to make in extra quantities so that you have plenty for lunch or dinner later in the week. Now — the “raw” part: Around these time constraints, factor in where and how you’ll add in the “raw foods” (or those given a bare-minimal saute). Sometimes this will happen, sometimes not.

Add this to your knowledge of what is seasonal, what feels good to you right now, make a mental list and/or jot down a few notes. If you’re thinking about shopping at a Saturday morning farmer’s market, take time Thursday or Friday evening to look through your recipe books to see what inspires you. Make note of any special ingredients, and try to pick them up on the way home from work — so that you don’t expend valuable weekend time on extra shopping.

Next — and this is a big one — plan on taking at least twice as much time for your “food shopping adventure” as usual. When you get home, and AS YOU UNPACK (except for getting the things that need to be cold into the fridge), prep your foods before you stash them.

For example: If you buy onions and mushrooms, with the intention of folding them into three or four different dishes over the week, cut up the onions right away, and start sauteing them in olive oil or butter. While they start to brown, cut up your mushrooms, throw them in. Then store your pre-cooked onion-mushroom mixture, not the “raw” raw ingredients. (Yes, I know this post is about raw foods. We draw the line at raw onions. Raw onions do not enhance intimacy later in the day.)

If you bring home a cauliflower, pull off the leaves, and cut out the core. If you know that you want cauliflower “florets,” cut a bunch of them NOW, while the thing is in front of you.

This takes time. The benefit is that you increase your likelihood of actually using and eating these wonderful foods!

Third point — all on the “time-challenge” end of things. In some areas, you’ll be better off buying things that are at least semi-pre-prepped. For example, you might buy a package of cut-up butternut squash pieces. Saving yourself fifteen minutes is worth the extra expense. You be the judge.

Now, on to the REAL challenge. It’s winter. We want warm, rich foods. Not cold salads.

Step 1: We can tolerate a fair bit of raw if it is cut up small and covered in a nice, rich sauce. This is NOT a time for fat-free! (Such an idea is an insult to our system, especially in cold weather.) Remember that fats carry flavor, and fats carry fat-soluble (not water-soluble) nutrients. And we need both; the first nourishes our psyche, the latter our body.

So invest in good salad dressings, cut your veggies up small, and take both with you to the office, along with some easily-added protein — a can of fish, or a little left-over salmon, or some of those pre-cooked chicken pieces. Add guacamole or raw pine nuts for a little extra richness and flavor, and you have a totally acceptable year-round meal. Perhaps a little soup, maybe a few crackers or nuts, and you’re ok. Allow your raw-veggie salad to come to room temperature before eating; that will also help on a cold day.

Space your foods out during mid-day; a lot of our cravings come from system-crash when we push too long without nutrients.

Second, make it easy for yourself — spout some nuts (yes, get raw nuts, such as almonds, and let them sit in water overnight — then drain, and store in the fridge). Use these as a snack. Year-round, they give you not only the “raw,” but the “live” food experience. Add sprouts to your salads / sandwiches; another easy way to get “live.”

Sometimes we just need cooked foods — some foods might be too dense to be enjoyed raw; brussels sprouts come to mind. Also the heavier winter squashes, and the denser and darker greens.

Sometimes, a little saute is all that is needed. Sometimes, we must do more.

Right now, I’m learning how much I need to cook foods in order to bring out their flavor, and make them enjoyable as well as nutritious.

I’ll share my findings, and please — feel free to post a (useful) comment — especially, link us in to good books and recipes!

Great exercise to help with knee strength

Dear Ones —

This Sunday’s (Oct. 19th, 2008) Parade magazine had a Special Report about Women’s Health by Claudia Wallis. She opens with:

“When I ripped a ligament in my knee on a ski-slope last winter, I had no idea that I was joining a limping sisterhood. A torn ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) ranks among the most common sports-related knee injuries. But women are five to sevn times as likely as men to sustain this kind of athletic damage.”

Ms. Wallis continues with an interview with Dr. Laura Tosi, director of the bone-health program at Children’s Natioanl Medical Cneter in Washington, DC. Dr. Tosi, and studies that Ms. Wallis has read, point out that “girls tend to run, jump, and turn with straighter legs and less bending at the knees and hips than boys.” This, and other factors, make us more susceptible to knee and other joint injuries.

Ms. Wallis is not alone in her experience of knee problems — I have them myself, and so do some of my students. (The older we get, the more likely we are to have this as a problem area.)

In fact, one of my favorite dance teachers, Anahid Sofian in New York City, started learning belly dance on the recommendation of her physical therapist. In doing modern dance, she had overworked her knees, and was in pain. She sought help from her doctors, who then prescribed physical therapy. Her therapist recommended belly dance as a therapeutic exercise. She tried it, became entranced by the art form, and from there went on to become one of the world’s leading choreographers and teachers in this area.

Fortunately for us, we can ALL use belly dance as a therapeutic exercise. The key ingredient that makes this work? We dance in a “bent-knee” posture. ALL of our movements involve keeping our knees just slightly bent. This means that:
1) We strengthen our thighs AND our abs (we need strong abs to make this work),
2) We lengthen our lower back, getting our pelvis to align straight with the floor — this helps a LOT to release lower back tension!, and
3) We strengthen the muscles around our knees.

Belly dance is an ancient, beautiful, and sensual women’s art form. It is very likely the oldest dance form on this planet, although other “native/folk” dances (e.g., Polynesian, African) could have started around the same time. Because belly dance is such an old art form, it is very aligned with how our bodies are naturally designed to move. (In contrast, more recent dance forms, such as ballet, are much more “artificial,” and can actually produce joint damage.)

Our bodies were naturally designed to have – and work best when – we are in a posture where our pelvis is aligned with the floor, our knees are slightly bent (this helps with pelvic alignment), and our spine and neck are “lengthened” so that the top of our heads reaches towards the sky. This is the posture that we practise and use in belly dance.

We think of this as having “soft knees” – knees are very slightly bend; not locked in place. This not only reduces pressure on the knee joint, but helps to mobilize our pelvis.

This pelvic-aligned, soft-knee, spine-lengthened posture helps us be more naturally graceful and beautiful. (Not to mention, it gives the immediate impression of losing ten pounds!) With this as a framework, we create elegant and sensual movements — all while being non-impact!

For those that would like to add a fun way to strengthen their bodies, and feel and look much better, belly dance would be a great exercise alternative!

Copyright (c) 2008, Alay’nya. All rights reserved.

Related Posts: Creating a Youthful Presence Through Belly Dance

The Grail King Serves the Holy Grail

The Grail King Serves the Holy Grail

A Little Encyclical for my Goddess Daughters – October, 2008

My Dearest Darling God(dess) Daughter –

Have you come across the work of Byron Katie, simply called “The Work”? What fascinating, mind-blowing, rock-your-socks off thinking! What a radical approach to getting our lives back into a happy and healthy place, no matter what is going on! (Thank you, Maha Najeeb , for loaning me a CD set of Byron’s talks. Fabulous!)

Byron elicits breakthroughs in people by asking a series of simple questions, such as, “Do you really believet that? ” and “How can you know this is really so?” My favorite question is the “turn-around”, where she encourages someone to flip a belief on its end. So for example, someone might realize that instead of asserting “He should accept me the way that I am,” she might say “I should accept him the way that he is,” and even, “I should accept me the way that I am.”

Now let’s apply this very same wonderful process to one of the greatest tenets of our esoteric tradition. This is important. Even though our “esoteric tradition” holds the greatest “wisdom” available in our culture, this “wisdom” has been systematically eroded by about four thousand years of devaluing the Sacred Feminine, and exalting the Masculine. (Think “Father, Son, and Holy Ghost” — where is the feminine in this concept of God?)

One of the most common elements in our esoteric tradition is told in the Knights of King Arthur legends — knights who pledged themselves to a sacred quest, to finding the Holy Grail. The idea was that when a knight came upon the resolution to his quest, he was to ask “Whom does the Grail serve?”. The answer, as we all know, was supposed to be “The Grail serves the Grail King.”. This answer would have freed the wounded Fisher King (wounded because he allowed himself to be led astray be a woman), and would allow the nation to be healed.

The tip-offs here are two-fold. First, blame for the “wasteland” of the kingdom is intrinsically placed on the archetypal woman, who seduced the Fisher King away from his duties. This is right in the center of the four-thousand year old tradition of blaming women. Second, the answer points to placingf the chalice, the Holy Grail, to service of a masculine ego — that of the “Grail King.”

Hasn’t this always felt to you as though something was missing, or incomplete?

Think about this. We know that men live through their ego. Their opportunity to evolve, to become more than themselves, is when they can submit their egos to a higher virtue. So if the Holy Grail, the greatest spiritual treasure of our planet, is to serve the Grail King, how does that really help him?

Let’s do the Byron Katie thing. Let’s turn this around. Let’s say:

The Grail King serves the Holy Grail.

Be with this for a moment. How does it feel? Doesn’t it, in some odd sense, feel more right to you?

Doesn’t this feel that there might be something here that has been lost, but that we’ve been longing for, and missing? Something that really makes sense at a very deep level?

If it does, read on. Because this is where we make this insight practical.

We women personify and embody the “Holy Grail.”

That’s right.

The “Holy Grail” is not just about the blood of Christ, or even the blood-line of Jesus. The “Holy Grail” is a chalice that contains divine energy — life-force energy — and that is what we women have in our bodies.

Let’s go beyond (basic) Western esoteric tradition to the broader range of traditions; the ones that know about cultivating and using personal energy; the energy that is called “chi” in kung fu and Taoist studies, and “prana” in yoga.

In Taoist energy-practice, women cultivate a special, “condensed” form of this energy, called “ching”. We store it in our “inner cauldron,” set right in our pelvic girdle. The essence of much Taoist energy tradition — and the deepest levels of both Tantra and Western esoteric tradition — is that we can learn to cultivate and use this energy. We use it for health, for energy, and to shape our reality. This really, really IS “life-force energy.”

Men need women as the source, or holders, of this energy. They have their own, yes, but the deepest level comes through accessing the energy that only women can hold. (We ARE the “Holy Grail.”)

Please keep in mind — this is VERY important — that when we choose to share our energy with a man, or use it in any way — this is not and should not be our own, “personal” energy reserve. Instead, we ourselves access a “universal” life-force energy, and simply channel it up and hold it and circulate it through our bodies. And we release it however and in whatever direction we choose. And when we do so, we are by no means depleting our “personal reserve”. (If we’re doing this right.)

So our job — for those of us participating in a women’s esoteric body/energy practice — is to learn how to access, store, and circulate this energy. If we choose to share this energy with another person, then we are acting as “Shakti,” or as an embodiment of the feminine aspect of divinity.

This all may sound massively esoteric (it is), and maybe a bit difficult. But this practice is not so out-of-reach.

Nor should it be that unfamiliar.

There are now many translations of formerly obscure esoteric works. We are able to learn how many different cultures have studied and dealt with this very same practice. (As two obvious examples, Mantak and Manaween Chia’s book, “Cultivatiing Female Sexual Energy,” is an extremely precise and detailed technical how-to book for doing exactly this process. And from another tradition, we can study kundalini yoga at the McLean Community Center, just a couple of miles away from this dance studio. In short, the information and teachings are all around us.

What we are doing in our Studio is something new; it makes us unique and different. In fact, we are (to my knowledge) the only place in the world where this is being done. (I’m sure that there are others; as they become known to us; we’ll link to them.)

We combine two ancient traditions. On the one hand, we learn how to dance. We learn the most ancient, beautiful, sensual, and expressive dance form in the world. One that is absolutely and intrinsically a feminine art form. On the other hand, we learn how to cultivate, bring up, access, and use our intrinsic “life-force” energy, or “ching.”

We then combine these two practices, yielding a (for this time-era) new art form. We have taken the (rather boring) mechanics of basic energy work, and encapsulated them within a dance form that allows us extraordinary emotional expressive range.

The end result is the most powerful, energy-rich, exciting art form in the world — one that is intrinsically suited to feminine energy, feminine sensibilities, and feminine strengths. This not only helps us look and feel sensual, gorgeous, and absolutely fantastic, but it allows us a very real and practical means to channel energy, and use it to shape reality according to our intentions. (Sharing this energy with someone else is optional.)

In short, we are re-capturing, re-claiming, and (since there are no text-books or traditions at hand) re-inventing the most powerful esoteric feminine body-art in the world. Truly, we are creating “Jedi for Women.” We are learning how to access and use “The Force.” (It’s just that we’re using it in a feminine context, rather than a masculine / warrior one. Just as powerful, but for us, much more pleasant!)

Join me. We’re learning and practicing this every week, right here in McLean, Virginia. And having a whole lot of fun in the process!

Yours in joyous, ecstatic, energy-rich and wonderful dance – Alay’nya

Radical, Out-There, Edgy Suggestion

LETTER to my God(dess) Daughter – September, 2007

Radical, Out-There, Edgy Suggestion — “Practice Entertainment Austerity” – A Letter

September, 2007

My Dearest Darling God(dess) Daughter –

This letter continues with the theme we started a couple of months ago, on creating the time in which to know yourself. In July, my letter to you focused on the pragmatics of daily and weekly “life organization.” August’s topic (still to be completed) presented and embellished a suggestion from Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way) . Julia recommends to her workshop participants, during one week of a multi-week workshop course, that they do not read a single thing (that is not absolutely necessary for their job) for a whole, solid week. (And naturally, the thought extends to the more obvious time-absorbers, such as TV.)

Naturally, this suggestion provokes howls of outrage from the participants.

But Julia is not alone in making such an extreme, outrageous suggestion. Tim Ferriss (The Four-Hour Workweek) suggests the same — for the entire duration of time in which you should read, absorb, and put into practice the principles he offers in his book.

Radical? You bet! But this is the strategy that top athletes, actors, and others use when they want to harness and focus the full power of their internal resources.

Most of the time, I practice some form of “entertainment austerity.” It helps me to both know myself, and to be at my most creative. And yes, there are times when I am more or less aligned with this. But of all the practices that I have found, and can recommend to you, this is the most effective. It helps with both increasing productivity and/or creativity (outer world), and for creating the time and space in which to know yourself (inner world).

You will, of course, know your own “time-traps.” These range from newspapers to novels, from telephone to TV. The internet can be particularly insidious, offering little “newsy” articles with each logon. Even casual conversations — if you recognize that they are just absorbing your time, and not really either “relationship-building” or “useful information sharing,” can be a way of distracting your attention.

The critical point with this entire exercise is to realize that your most valuable resource — more so than money — is your attention. Not even just your time, but your attention. This is what you jealously need to hoard for a little while, because it can get dribbled away faster than a pocketfull of twenties when you’re at the mall.

So what will you do with this time?

Journaling would be a good first step. (Reference Julia C., and The Artist’s Way, once again.) Get into the habit of taking your journal notebook with you wherever you go, and catching the “odd moments.” Once you have that down, see if you can’t create “found time” from what you save from your “entertainment austerity” campaign. (Think of your journal as your piggybank, and writing into your journal as depositing daily small change into this bank. Over time, it adds up!)

Yoga / stretch / unwinding is another good time-use. And this doesn’t always need to be a “formal” yoga session, but catch some of the “downtime” that you would normally use to indulge in relaxation-entertainment, and turn that into a quiet, private, get-in-touch-with-your-body time.

You know that, if you’re trying to either develop yourself as a performing dance artist, or if you want dance to be your “integration pathway” for mind/body/psyche evolution, you need both greater body awareness and also release of body tension. Dance sessions — for both choreography and practice — are important. But underlying this, you need to let your body express itself more naturally, fluidly, and easily. This means that you need some time, one-on-one, alone with your body. No teacher, and no “cognitive agenda.” Just time with your body, “listening in.”

A couple of paragraphs earlier, I mentioned unwinding . This is not just a generic, catch-all term, synonymous with sitting on the couch, drinking a glass of wine, and chatting with your friend. No, this is much more specific; it is a set of body and inner-awareness techniques. One of the easiest ways to get started is to wear comfortable clothing (maybe socks, but no shoes), get on the floor, and start stretching.

After a bit, just letting your stretch evolve the way your body suggests to you, you’ll start to realize that your body is leading the way — not your “head-sense” of what you should be doing to stretch your body.

As you relax into your body and quiet your mind, a different kind of intelligence will start to emerge. This “body intelligence” or “body awareness” will naturally and gently lead you into positions that progressively stretch out and release the “tight zones.”

After a little time with this, you will begin to realize that these “tight zones” are not just physical tightness, or stress from your job or work environment, but that they reflect “emotional stuff.” Let the feelings come up, notice that certain feelings are connected with certain tight or “held” sensations in your body.

Just getting to this stage is a very big step. I won’t suggest any more to you in this letter — but do know that this is one threshold to a self-awareness pathway, and there are evolutions you can make from here.

Back to our original theme, though, of what to do with your “found time” that you get by practicing “entertainment abstinance.”

I recommend getting started on Christmas. (This assumes that you’re reading this letter in early autumn, where Christmas is still several months off.) Make your Christmas card list(s). Find some leftover cards from last year, or stock up early for this year, and start putting in the shortest of messages and writing addresses. (Or if you are terribly on-top-of-things, get your computer database organized and updated.)

Make up your “naughty or nice” list, and start thinking about who gets what. If you harbor any fantasies, whatsoever, about handmaking Christmas gifts or cards this year, get them done now — in the all-too-brief time-warp between Labor Day and Veteran’s Day. By Thanksgiving, it’s too late. The holiday season is in full swirl, and you will be pressed just to keep up — if you are participating at all.

Alternatively, do your semi-annual wardrobe review. Start cleaning and putting away your summer things, identifying what you can make work for “late-summer- transitioning-to-early-autumn,” and take a look at your fall / winter wardrobe.

What do you need? What really has to be replaced or upgraded? What has to be mended? (Another opportunity for meditation, if you are so inclined. Otherwise, find a dry cleaner with a good alterations lady, or see if you have a friend who will barter mending / alterations for something you want to offer.)

Final suggestion — take a Saturday morning, go to a flea market, thrift store, or series of garage / estate sales. (The latter options are especially predominant in fall.) Get stuff that you like, that works for you, but needs either clean-up, fix-up, painting, or mending. On the way home, or very early on Sunday, stop by the hardware store or crafts store and get what you need. Spend the rest of the day on your fix-up project.

Who knows? You could wind up with deeper insights (a scary proposition), a more relaxed and in-tune body, a “together” fall wardrobe (amazing thought), or a cooler, neater, more fun and charming place in which to live!

Bon vivant, darling! – Alay’nya

Create Your Tranquility by Organizing Your Life

“Create Your Tranquility by Organizing Your Life” – A Letter

July, 2007

My Dearest Darling God(dess) Daughter –

Some time ago (and forgive your Goddess-mother on this, she’s had to install new software, which takes her an unduly long time) — you asked a simple and basic question: “What do I do now with my life?”

Very simple. Very straightforward. And so to-the-point.

And in terms of an answer, I punted. I pointed you to Rainer Marie Rilke’s book, Letters to a Young Poet. (And actually sent you a copy, along with buying one for myself — so that I’d know what this book was recommending to you.)

The essence of Rilke’s teaching was, “Know yourself. Take time for yourself. Embrace solitude, as you need this to know YOU.” Which in your case, I know, is much easier said than done. You have recently graduated, and are the mother of three active young children, each of whom has special demands on your time.

In the midst of all the hullabaloo — and stress — of your life, and the magnificent miracle that you are, having cared so well for your children in addition to graduating, as well as working and getting funding for school, marriage and moving several times — you have rarely, since you were much younger, have had time just for you!

And so while it would be easy, and much too “prescriptive,” to say: “Go, do this. Do that. This will bring your life into order, and give you peace, happiness, and serenity” — we know this would not work. Your answer for yourself must, and will, evolve from within you.

So much that this answer may feel awkward and uncomfortable to you, let me reiterate: Spend the time getting to know yourself. Rilke had it right. Solitude is necessary. And since you cannot get solitude in large chunks, given your life situation, you must therefore obtain it in very thin slices. However you get it, and you must, strategize for it, work for it, plan for it, and by all means — take advantage of every opportunity to have some time alone with yourself.

Of course, you will get a job. And my hat is off to you, BIG KUDOS, that you got your degree in math and computer science. Your mother had gifts in these areas, as I do, and I am SO PROUD OF YOU for having stuck in there with the tough coursework, the labs, and the total “rigor” of that area. You’ve done a very tough and demanding thing, and now as you get a chance to look back on what you’ve done, you can sense that you can be proud of yourself. You should be!

In terms of first “professional” job, it almost doesn’t matter what you select — something that makes at least modest use of your skills, is within your commuting range, pays you well, and offers good benefits is a starting point. Just keep in mind that your first job is only a starting point; it is a “placeholder,” something to keep you going while you find out what you REALLY want. And that, actually, is the REAL job in your life right now.

This letter is not about organizing your money or your life — although it might seem like that. Rather, it is about establishing a framework that allows you to organize your life.

1. Get your life into as much “basic alignment” as possible, in order to create some “clear space” for you to have for yourself. This means: Get a job, preferably one that meets the above criteria and ALSO has reasonable hours and reasonable demands on your time. Unless you really and truly want to experience the “start-up” lifestyle, this might NOT be the time to join a start-up company, or any company that would expect exhorbitant overtime. Also, look for a manager who is sane and sound, and reasonable in terms of his or her expectations. Look for a situation where the co-workers are also sane and sound, and at least moderately pleasant. Should any of these requirements fail, keep moving. Don’t stay in a toxic environment, keep moving until you are in a sane and sound and clear one.

2. Use the money from this job to buy yourself time for yourself. This is a necessity in making headway with getting your family to the best level possible, and getting the most “performance” out of everyone — including yourself! (Performance includes downtime, by the way. Think of it as “scheduled maintenance and repair.”) Hire someone to help with the kids; even if you are there also, this person can take up slack — from feeding the baby to mopping up the floor after you and she feed the baby. Find someone who can pick up groceries and prepare a simple meal, help with the housework, sort mail, entertain the kids when you’ve had a long day, and in short, do anything that can ease your stress level and give you a few minutes of blessed time. Hire a housekeeping (maid) service. REALLY. You’re going to be working 9-5, plus some. There’s commute time, there’s household organization and management, there’s being a wife, and a mom. There is very little time for dusting in between. You are now at “Officer” rank, you are the General Manager of your Household. Delegate As Much As Possible (AMAP). Find someone (a college student, another mom who will bring her child over and take care of some of this, or even a for-real au pair) who will be your “right hand.” This person needs to be reliable, even-tempered and even-keeled, able handle a moderate amount of responsibility and make good simple decisions, and able to handle a moderate amount of stress. This person’s role is to decrease your work level, not add to it.

3. Do as much as possible to simplify and streamline your life. Take the time to set this up right; it will pay you well in the near future. Get as many bills as possible to be paid online. Get a day-planner with inserts (so you can insert lists and special topics pages). Now, if ever, is a good time to invest in one of the well-known brands that offers an educational service in how to get the most from “day-planning.” In addition to values, goals, “weekly tasks,” and daily goals, think ahead to longer-term events: holidays, Christmases, etc. Set up a savings account for Christmas; put in a regular amount each month; that is your Christmas budget and no more! (You’ll never go over-budget again.) And actually — now that you’re getting a job, make a budget. Make two, in fact — one for time, one for money. This will help you value your time more. Plan and prepare as much in advance as you possibly can for birthdays, holidays, gift-giving. Think through your Christmas strategy starting NOW (yes, in July) — who gets cards? Who gets gifts? What can you start NOW that will make your life easier? Think through a strategy that is reasonably low-cost, you can do in some bulk, and (for those who get gifts) is totally consistent with your budget and the time that you are willing to put in to this. If you can have all of your basic preparations lined up by — say, Columbus Day (knowing that you’ll spill over up to Thanksgiving), then the holiday season is yours to enjoy. Plan ahead similarly for other big life events — e.g., if you and your family want a vacation next year.

4. Cultivate routines that structure your life. This means that you have known time to do certain tasks, and known time that is yours for family, and known time that is just for you. One of the biggest “routines” is food preparation: Revisit how you do the food shopping for the family; can you find the “smart line” between eating out at fast foods (low quality and expensive) versus making everything from scratch? Take advantage of the “middle ground” – foods that are somewhat prepared, like pre-cut veggies, pre-made salad mixes, things that cut your preparation time down to less than a half hour.

Planning and preparation will reduce your stress. So designate one time each week for cleaning out the fridge, checking the food sales, and making menu plans. Designate another time for food shopping. (Biggest hits right after payday, smaller fill-in purchases weekly or semi-weekly thereafter.) Plan this to be a LONG day. Buy your foods in bulk when you can. For example, if you buy several huge packages of chicken on sale, or a big package of hamburger, divvy it up as soon as you get home, and freeze what you can. You might even get very ambitious and plan on cutting up fruits and veggies as soon as you get them in. Make best possible use of your freezer, and see about getting a free-standing one — especially useful when you have a family. Then, designate a third time or day to prep food for the week ahead. If you cook on the weekends, try to make one dish for the family to eat, another to freeze and reheat or bake later. On the weekends, think about dishes that will give you easy leftovers for the first part of the week. Also, start dishes that take several days to prepare — e.g., those that involve slow-cooking beans. (At the end of this letter, I give two of my favorite “family meal” prep ideas.)

5. Organize everything that has to do with what you and the family wear. One thing that works is to schedule one day a week to be “wash day. ” I know this sounds very old-school / old-song, but order brings harmony. Lack of order (planning, and imposing some structure on the family) brings chaos. One day to wash, fold, put away. As you do this, plan what both you and the kids will wear on what day. Organize accordingly. (They can help with all of this as they get older.) Make a mending pile, and schedule a time to get to it. Schedule time (one child per month, or all every quarter, however you do it) to go through their stuff; what is outgrown is shared with a neighbor or given to Goodwill. Once a month or so, hit your favorite thrift stores for “broken in” clothing for YOUR kids. It’s just the universe of recycling.

6. Use Sunday evening to final-prep for the week ahead. One good tactic is to do wardrobe layout for the entire week ahead.Check the weather. Make sure that you have your work wardrobe organized, purses chosen, lipstick in the first one you’ll use, lip liner freshly “sharpened,” enough money and small change for the week ahead. If you are keeping track of expenses (and I recommend the “little notebook” approach), do your catch-ups. Everyone finds their books / bags. Preload the car AMAP. Cell phones should have been charged over the weekend; they go into purses / briefcases, etc. Notes get written to whomever is working for you, checks to cleaning crew are made out. All of this is DONE, out-of-the-way, and accomplished. You are the “General,” you are “marshalling your forces.” Your Monday morning, and all mornings for the week ahead, should be smooth. Do a final check of the wall calendar and your day-planner for events that need some organization, money, or planning. Plan who will do and cover what with hubby and your “right hand,” whomever that might be.

7. Invest what you’ve saved by being diligent and organized. You can save a good bit of money by having your family brown-bag their lunches. By Sunday evening, everyone has lunch money, or packed lunch. (If you can afford the space, get a separate fridge for lunches. You can always pick up an extra fridge for very small dollars. Even a small-sized fridge can help. Make this a priority, because it will make getting out in the morning easier. Which makes the rest of the day easier. Which makes the rest of your life easier, and creates more time for you.) Packing becomes a “family affair.” You might pick one evening a week where you get the kids to help pre-pack lunch items. Write names on a week’s worth of bags. Pre-fill with trail mix in little snack bags, wrapped cheese sticks, apples, tiny wrapped chocolate candies, etc. Then, every day or every two days, make sandwiches, and load up the bags the night before. (See if you can start teaching hubby and kids to do this while you are getting dinner on the table.)

Your Reward: Serenity — it is rewarding in and of itself. But beyond that, give yourself both financial and time rewards for being focused and diligent and organized. In the sense of “paying yourself first,” take the money that you normally would have spent on one delivered pizza or Chinese meal and put into a piggy bank, or the real bank, in a savings account that you do not use. Have an IRA with your bank. Periodically, add all of this to your IRA. Similarly, estimate what you’re saving by brown-bagging lunches, put into an IRA. Or into a separate fund designated “downpayment on house” or “vacation.”

Also, take the “minutes” that you saved by cooking meals in advance. Those are also yours. Hire a sitter to be with the kids, and get out of the house – either alone or with your darling. You’ve earned it! If you go out alone, take your journal. Go to a decent little coffee shop, muse and write for a while. Or get yourself out early on Sunday, have a cappucino and a little breakfast by yourself. This is your reward for being diligent and organized. (If you must — pre-load a Sunday breakfast for all, get that all organized so you can slip out for a little bit on Sunday mornings while they get up and have whatever you’ve set out for them. Return only when you’ve had sufficient “you time” to tide you over for a while.)

Note that having a “support team” — a good babysitter / mother’s helper / au pair, a cleaning lady, and a certain amount of “easy-to-fix” food, etc., is a necessary and justafiable budget expense. This is not a luxury, this is a necessity to having a job, managing your family, and having a well-run home. If anything, develop an additional income source — one that will make you wealthier. But recognize and budget in the people to help you, even as you do “smart things” that reduce expenses (e.g., for meals) in other ways. These “smart things” are also bringing a better quality to your life, and increasing your serenity.

I am so envisioning you enjoying not only your first “professional job,” but also enjoying the increased sense of competence and control in having your life run more smoothly —

Love – Alay’nya

P.S. — Having done this for most of the past several years, I have been moving on to a deeper and more comprehensive set of strategies, that I will write to you about in the next letter. But it is an organizational framework such as this that allows greater levels of strategy to happen. I love you! Be well. I am thinking about you, and sending love in your direction.